At the hearing of the news of Bella my heart stopped, then I stopped breathing, I couldn't see, or hear, I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. The room was dark, the doctors and nurses stood completely still, no one said a word. I looked at Dave, his head was held up only by his hands, how much bad news can someone endure?

I remember crying out to the Lord and asking Him to heal my little girl. He didn't. Not yet.

I wore myself out, beating myself up. I felt like a failure.

My friends and family were having kids of their own. Perfect, healthy babies that they would one day watch run around the park and dance around the house. I smiled, I was happy, really I was, but so grieved that my little girl would miss out on so much.

After Bella was delivered I held her for a brief moment before they took her by ambulance to the Children's Hospital where she would undergo a surgery to repair her back. For the next few days I would not hold her again.

She was beautiful.

About four days after her surgery I was able to hold her again. I remember feeling my heart beat again, I could finally breathe, see and hear. Once again life entered my body. Hope too.

I knew from that moment on that my life would be so different from those around me. I would have to work so hard to make this little girl feel beautiful and valuable. But I was up for the challenge.

Sorry to be such a downer.... after reading that you deserve a little pick me up....

yeah she's pretty much awesome! We did have a rough start, and a rough and seemingly endless road ahead, but right now, today, we are doing just fine...